What Hurts

 

Anxiety out of control

Reassurance is try and miss

Taxi cruises up and

it has the light off

Face of a friend who doesn’t hear you

when you call out in a crowd

Visit to a museum gallery while they announce

they’re closing in 15 minutes.

 

Read. Type. Look at Pinterest

Midsection squeezing itself like a lemon

while you pin a picture of a cute dog

No workout pictures because you already have

tight abs, yes, they are really so tight

you almost can’t breathe

 

There’s a hollow feeling in the middle

Can’t be hunger

Food would make you vomit

You eat anyway but you don’t

taste anything

which is okay because

you don’t want to

The realization of that presses down

on you and you do stop breathing

for a bit

 

You want to live and enjoy

living but you can’t remember

how you did it or when

No sand castles

Just holes in the beach

You dig up the sand with your little shovel and

the tide fills them in and makes them

soupy

 

You start again a distance away repeating

it’ll be okay like saying it will

make a difference this time

it’ll be okay.

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After the Fact

light at the end of the tunnel

Image by Panthera Lee at Deviantart.net

“People fear death out of a wrong perception of awareness after the fact. But if you are dead, you are not aware. There is no awareness after death. There is nothing. Therefore, there is quite literally nothing to fear.”

“Bollocks.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You can have it. But if I draw my knife and hold it up to your neck like this – Now, you don’t fear what you think is on the other side of death, whether or not it exists or any of that, do you?”

“Uh -”

“No, you don’t. What’s got you by the throat – he he he – is that you might cease to be aware of this existence, right?”

“Um -”

“People don’t fear death – how can they fear something they have no experience with? What they fear is an absence of life. Psssh. Your philosophy needs work. Hey! Innkeeper! I’d like a beer, please. And my friend here needs directions to the pisser.”